This post isn't easy to write. It brings up a lot of emotions and feelings I'd rather not deal with. But people just think that once you are in remission, you are done. No more worries, no more fear, no more thoughts about cancer. Well, they are so wrong.
The doctors say I am in Remission. Let's look at the definition.
Remission: Disappearance of the signs and symptoms of cancer or other disease; can be temporary or permanent.
I choose to not think of this as remission, but as healed from God. Why? Because God brings hope.
Psalm 118:8 says, It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man.
Man will fail us. I fail, you fail, we all fail. God is the one thing that never fails us.
So living life in 'remission' isn't easy. It's is a spiritual, psychological warfare DAILY. What do I mean by this? Well, every day the devil attacks my mind. With me, every day he puts a voice in my head that says things like....
"when will the cancer come back"
"that pain in your elbow, it's bone cancer"
"headache? brain cancer"
"look at your children, too bad you won't be around to see your grandchildren"
"when it comes back, it will come back with the vengeance"
This goes on constantly. This voice isn't just a thought, it's a strong voice in my head. However, the Lord's voice (and word of God) is stronger and more powerful and that is how I deal with this.
"For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." Hebrews 4:12
Every time I hear this voice I remember back to what the Lord told me that day on the swing after hearing the news that I may have BC. (blog post June 14, 2015 - My Beginning of my Breast Cancer Story)
The Lord said to me on that day, "I am going to allow you to go through something. You are going to be fine. I have your back."
He didn't say, 'You will be fine temporarily' or 'You'll be fine until such as such day', He said 'You are going to be fine.'
I cling to that. God doesn't lie. God has my back. The King of all King's told me he has my back! :)
When I say he spoke to me, there is no mistake. HE SPOKE TO ME. I KNEW. He told me this before my biopsy and before my diagnosis. So I knew I had BC before they told me. From those words on, I had TOTAL PEACE!
Let me clarify, I am NOT afraid to die. I know Heaven will be glorious. I am however, afraid to leave my children without a mother. When God told me I was going to be fine, I knew my boys would not have to deal with losing me at this point. Parents are supposed to pass on before their children. That is the circle of life. But no child should ever have to lose a parent.
Here are a few scriptures I cling to.....
Proverbs 4:21-22 "Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to one's whole body." (speaking about the Word of God)
Psalm 107:20 "He sent out his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave."
And my favorite.....
Romans 8:11 "And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of his Spirit who lives in you."
To me, that is so inspiring. That same Spirit that raised Jesus from the grave 3 days after he died, lives in me??? That is amazing!
Remember that fear comes from satan. God doesn't give you fear. Fear is a negative emotion and not created by God.
And one final thought, God didn't give you cancer. Sin is why you landed cancer. Not your sin, but sin in the world. When Adam and Eve betrayed the Lord, sin entered the world. Your cancer has nothing to do with something you've done in your life that was sinful. God is not a punisher. Don't let anyone tell you that you inherited or received cancer due to your lifestyle / sinful ways. That is a lie from satan.
You may ask 'if you are such a believer of the Lord God, why didn't he heal you right away or why did he allow you to get cancer in the first place'? God could have healed me in a blink of an eye but you can't help others without a story. You can't have a testimony without a test. I can't explain why I got cancer, but I trust that the reason was important. Maybe I witnessed to someone in the doctor's office, maybe I helped someone else through it not knowing, maybe I needed to gain faith myself, etc. I probably will never know but I do know that God knows what he is doing. In his eyes, me going through something to help someone else may be worth it. I don't know exactly.
1 out of 8 women get BC. I was the 1 of 8.
I am a survivor.
I will not let negative thoughts stay with me.
That is my testimony.