Fight like a girl

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Sunday, June 28, 2015

Pre-op & surgery consult day

Met with the surgeon her.  Discussed the risks of Lumpectomy (Partial Mastectomy) & Lymph Node removal (1-4 of them).  

Before today, I was under the impression that the risk of Lymphedema was only if they all were removed.  My surgeon explained that from surgery on I will have to be careful with my left arm due to a few (1-4) nodes are being removed.  Which means, no blood pressure taken from that arm, no blood draws or pricks, no insect bites, cuts, scraps, etc.  I guess I am still stuck in that "it will never happen to me" place.  

Pre-op went well.  I'm ready for sx.  All I need is to get rid of this stupid sinus, cough thing and I'll be good to go.  ;)  I am ready for this sx to be over and I'll be one step closer to beating this.

Back to the lymph nodes.  If any cancer is found in these lymph nodes that are removed, the Oncologist is going to recommend chemo.  The surgeon explained that if she finds that a few (2 or more) had cancer in them, then she will need to go in and remove the rest.  So I am definitely praying that the cancer didn't spread.  But again, I am being realistic.  There is a difference in being realistic and negative. Being negative, to me, is confessing the outcome on myself.  I am not doing that.  I am preparing myself for a chemo. battle just in case.  I am preparing my mind, body and soul for this poison that may have to enter my body.  I do however, trust God in this whole entire process.  I won't forgot the promise he made to me on the swing that day.  He said,  "I am going to allow you to go through something. You're going to be fine; I got your back".  I am praying, along with friends and family, that I won't have to go through chemo. of course.  I do know that God is in control and he has given me PEACE.  

I thought about that last night lying in bed.  How amazing is he, that he can anoint a total PEACE over someone with something so terrifying?  Without him, I would be a total basket case right now.  I would be filled with worry and doubt.  So I thank him every day for that PEACE that I know comes from him.

I don't claim to be any kind of expert on cancer.  In fact, I knew hardly anything about the 'c' word until I was diagnosed.  I researched, spoke with friends that went through it, and still don't really understand a lot.  But I hoping that my blog might help someone that was just diagnosed or one who may have a loved one going through this ordeal.  I do know that reading blogs and watching video diaries of women who have gone through this has helped me a lot.

(below)  My hubby, being supportive and trying to get me to smile, made me take a 'selfie' with him while waiting for the surgeon.  I wasn't in a bad mood, just not feeling well that day.  I had a lot to take in.  But I am so glad he is supportive and there for me every step of the way.

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So, I feel that I am all ready for the big day next week.  
Say a prayer for me!

PS Thank you for all my family and friends who are praying and following me!  I love you!

Sunday, June 14, 2015

My beginning of my breast cancer story...............

I wanted to tell people so they could pray for me without the questions, advice, comments and opinions but I didn't know how to do that without seeming rude.  I'm still not completely sure this is the correct way to tell everyone, but it is the way I've chosen.  I decided to use my blog to tell my breast cancer story.  I'm only at the beginning and I have a HUGE mountain ahead of me.  But I WILL get through this.

So, here it is.  

This is my beginning of my breast cancer story...........

I found a lump after my husband had his stroke at age 40.  I decided to wait for a bit to make sure it was a lump and not just something that would go away after a month and besides, my husband needed me more and I was going to be there for him.  I keep checking the lump daily for a while........yep, still there.  It was starting to get a bit sore.  Ok, it's been 3 months, it's time to go see my gyn.  

Of course, the gyn wants a diagnostic mammogram with ultrasound.  Really?  I have NO breast cancer (blood relatives) in my family line.  This is ridiculous.  Ok.  Fine. They scheduled it.

3 weeks, day of the mammogram and ultrasound, my husband, still being home from his stroke recovery, insisted on taking me.  I kept telling him, it's not a big deal.  I had my baseline (first) mammogram when I was 40 so I wasn't scared or anything.  It didn't even hurt last time, no big deal. Nope, he insisted.

During the diagnostic mammo. the radiologist kept wanting more pics.  Like my breast wasn't already feeling like it was being put through the wringer.....seriously?  Then the ultrasound was done.  The tech left the room and came back with the radiologist.  The look on his face was PRICELESS.  My heart sank.  He looked at me with concern and said, "Tell me your family history again."  I was getting aggravated at this point.  How many times do I have to tell these people that this is nothing and I have NO breast cancer in my family! He then showed me on the screen the lump in question (there were a few cysts as well).  This one in particular was a hard solid mass.  After the explanation, he informed me that he was going to order a biopsy.  I had to ask.  I had to hear him say exactly what he was looking for and what I was thinking!  "What is it that you are checking for with this biopsy?" I asked him.  He then said....... "cancer".

I walked out of that room, into the waiting room where my husband waited.  I had to face him.  (God made sure my hubby was there that day because I couldn't have driven home.  God is good like that you know?  Always looking over me.)  My heart was heavy, I felt myself going to bust at any moment.  I wouldn't look him in the eye until we got into the elevator where we were alone.  I looked up at him, opened my mouth to tell him, but nothing came out.  Tears started and all I could do was nod when he said, "Is it cancer?"  He then said, "We are going to get through this and you are going to be ok."

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That afternoon I sat on our porch swing in the breeze by myself and was in shock.  God clearly spoke to me at that time and he said, "I am going to allow you to go through something.  You are going to be fine.  I have your back."  At that point I felt this overwhelming sensation of peace even though I knew right then and there what the Lord was going to 'allow me to go through'.  The Lord, my father, just told me that all is going to be ok.  I can do this.............with him by my side.  

Four days after the biopsy, the phone rang.  My heart sank....again. It was the breast cancer center on the caller ID.  (I requested that they call me so I didn't have to travel 1.5 hours to hear the news that I already knew.)  Even though I knew what the results were, hearing those words was going to change my life forever. The doctor was very nice and positive.  I hung up the phone, put my face in my hands and let it all out.  The anxiety I was holding in for weeks.  (Now please know that there is a difference between anxiety and worry.  Anxiety means to me being nervous of the unknown or about something I can't control.  I wasn't worried.  My God still had my back remember?)  My husband held me.  I wiped my face and told him that we need to tell the boys.  We sat them down and told them that I had BC, and I was going to go through some surgery and treatment, but I was going to be fine.  

It's been almost 2 weeks since that phone call.  I met my Oncologist, breast surgeon and plastic surgeon.  My next step is surgery, radiation and possibly chemo.  But I have been in a good place......still have this overwhelming sensation of peace.  However, I have a new name tag on my chest.  

My name tags read:  

I am 41. 
I am a wife.
I am a mother of 3 boys.  

and my newest name tag........

I ---- HAVE ---- BREAST ---- CANCER.

I have a journey in front of me.  I will not let this keep me down.  A dear friend told me once that I am an overcomer. So I will get through this. Not because I am strong, but because my GOD is strong and he is with me ......................... all the way.

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I was one of those people who thought, 'I'll never do chemotherapy.  I'll never put that toxic junk in my body.  I will find a way naturally."  Well, I want you to know that you DON'T know what you would do until you are in that situation. I have researched natural cures for cancer.  I've read article after article and again, until you are in that doctors office hearing those words, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WOULD DO.   (Please don't take offense by this.)

If you believe in the power of prayer, than please pray for me. I'm not trying to be rude or cold hearted.  But please don't overwhelm me with advice, natural remedies (I already know, thank you), questions, or tell me about your relative that died from cancer.  Instead, overwhelm me with how much you are praying for me and my family!   Thank you and I love you!

I will be blogging throughout this journey hoping to help someone with worry of the unknown.  I hope to be a good witness for someone who needs God in their journey.  Can you do it without him?  Maybe.  But I choose to do it with him. Why?  Because he's got my back and I completely trust in the one who created me in his image and without him.......I can't do this.

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I want to say a BIG THANK YOU to a few special ladies who are an inspiration to me!  You know who you are. ;)
You ROCK!  You ladies are the overcomers!  I thank you for all your advice and testimonies!

Psalm 145:18 says:
The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.

Philippians 4:6 says:
Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

1 Thessalonians 5:17 says:
Pray without ceasing.

James 5:16 says:
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

Matthew 7:7 says:
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

Luke 11:9 says:
So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

Matthew 17:20 says:
He replied, "Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."